Andrew Cherlin, one of the nation’s leading experts on marriage, has written an excellent book on the state of marriage and the American family. Dr. Cherlin, in an interview with Random House, said that he became interested in comparing our marital patterns with other developed countries when data showed that our children were much more vulnerable to living with one parent than other countries.
Our children experience higher rates of living with just one parent ( 33%), experience higher rates of their parent living with at least one partner rather than the natural parent by age 15 ( four times the average of the rest of the OECD), and have a higher probability of living with serial partners than other developed countries.
These changing patterns of marriage and relationships have left American children to cope with the comings and goings of multiple parents. Marriage and remarriage, multiple partners both in and out of marriage and short-term cohabiting relationships have changed the nature of intergenerational care-giving.
American women’s median age of first marriage is 25, one of the youngest in the developed world. By age forty ,84% of American women have been married, a percentage exceeded only by Spain. We get divorced and end our cohabiting relationships at much greater rates than the rest of the world. More than 20% of all marriages end in separation or divorce within five years of marriages which is double any other country. More than 55% of cohabiting relationships end before five years. Approximately 40% of all marriages end in divorce.
Dr. Cherlin explores how marriage in the United States explores the two contradictory themes in American life… individualism and national good... the me vs we syndrome of American life. This conflict is reflected in marriage in the tension between personal fulfillment and family responsibility.
Both our religious and legal institutions encourage these contradictions. Contemporary religion supports both marriage and the quest for self-development. And while the nation has dramatically improved the collection of child support from fathers over the last 20 years, the law lags behind in the concept of responsibility for raising and nurturing children over self-fulfillment.
Dr. Cherlin offers many recommendations in The Marriage-Go-Round but the major one is “Slow Down”… the last chapter. Slow down getting married, slow down having the first child, slow down the divorce, make the divorce process more difficult and above all develop means so that children will have the financial support necessary after a divorce.
